dear donald trump supporters,

donaltrumpsupporters

 

Dear Donald Trump Supporters,

I want to come to you from a straightforward and honest place. I have been struggling for some time to wrap my head around this. Why do you think Donald Trump would be a good president? And what the heck are you thinking?!

 

donaldtrumpsupporters1

 

I hope we can both agree it’s integral that the president of our fine country should have strong leadership skills, handle stressful situations with finesse, the ability to resolve conflict in a mature manner, have the nation’s best interest in mind and most importantly, be trustworthy. Do you really see that in Trump?

I apologize if I seem a little crass but from what I’ve gathered about his supporters, they either:

1. have bad judgment of character;
2. are racists;
3. realize he is a douchebag but aren’t fazed by having a narcissistic, fear mongering president because they would rather pay less taxes and don’t want to close the gap on income inequality.

Am I missing anything?

The media has documented years of Trump being a bully, extremely condescending and disrespectful to both women and men, fail in a number of business ventures, and exhibit a complete disregard towards minorities on top of being a compulsive liar and cheater.

 

donaldtrumpsupporters

 

Do you believe Trump cares about making America great again? Purely based on his actions, he’s only interested in furthering his own interests. Actions speak louder than words, remember? From the immature manner he handles conflicts to the way he treats “losers” like dirt combined with his manipulative and aggressive fear tactics makes him such a loose cannon. I’m so baffled anyone would support a candidate like him. How will he handle our foreign affairs when he doesn’t get his way? Throw a tantrum, make funny faces and call them names? I hope you can understand where I’m coming from.

If you think Trump is all about serving America’s best interest by improving the middle class, think about how he would treat you or someone you know and love in a situation where he could 100% benefit from screwing them over. Can you really trust someone like that to be our president?

These are serious questions, please help me understand.

Best Regards,
Someone who cares about the future of America

 

 

 

finding your passion

 

dowhatyoulove

In my work, I am surrounded by people who rarely—if ever—have asked themselves: ‘what am I passionate about?’ From the time most of them were little, they knew what they wanted to do.  Singing, dancing, and acting were in their blood, and still is.

I remember having conversations with my friends in high school about this. They all thought I was lucky to essentially ‘be born’ knowing what my passion was.

In many ways, they were right. Knowing what I cared about—music—certainly gave me a direction for my focus and a clear path that I could follow toward even clearer goals. Meanwhile, many of my friends went onto college uncertain of what they cared about, choosing majors and careers still uncertain of ‘their thing’.

‘Finding your passion’ is a huge topic in our culture. So many people work and live without it in jobs that just pay the bills. They’re certain that if they only knew what it was they were ‘meant to do’, they would be happy, inspired, and successful (or more so).

Yet in trying to discover our purpose, we so often miss the true essence of both purpose and passion: knowing what your purpose is and what you’re passionate about has nothing to do with whether or not you live a life of purpose and passion.

A couple of examples.

I had dinner last night with my dear friend Arjen. He’s a medical doctor but never enjoyed the private practice aspect of his work.  So years ago, he gave it up. Today, for far more than he made in private practice, he consults 20 hours a week on clinical trials he finds interesting from home—which four days a week is on a sailboat.

I have another friend who plays rugby with a man who chose to forgo his cushy job as a Wall Street broker to become a garbage collector for New York City. Over drinks a couple of years ago, he explained what to many might seem like a bizarre choice. Yet for him, life was simply too short to be that stressed out and away from his family 60+ hours a week. His new job allows him to be outside all day, to talk to people all over Manhattan, to work a healthy number of hours—with a very healthy pension and benefits—and to use his body as well as his mind (he was catching up at the time on the latest political audio books).

What do these two people have in common?

Passion.

It may not be for their jobs, specifically. These two men didn’t dream as children of becoming consultants and trash collectors. But what they did decide, as adults, was to live a life that they enjoyed. To turn their circumstances toward their favor and create a lifestyle that would let their passion for life flow through them.

This is a choice every one of us has to make. For even those fortunate enough to know what matters to them contend with issues of doubt and uncertainty. As a matter of fact, the smaller the distance between you and the object of your passionate affection means that attachment rather than commitment tends to be the name of the game.  Which breeds its own set of problems, including—very commonly—the desire to quit and ‘do something I don’t care so much about.’

Whether or not you know what your passion is doesn’t preclude you from having passion, using your passion, and living a life of passion. As a matter of fact, it’s necessary if you really do want to discover what you care about and ‘find your bliss’.

Why?

1) Because passion is not just a noun. It is a muscle. You have to use it to strengthen it.  If you’re looking at life through a black and white lens, how will you ever see color? Only when you choose to engage in life with passion—regardless of your circumstances—will you begin to see life, people, and opportunities emerge for you in new, exciting ways.

2) Because not bringing passion to your every day life is nothing more than an excuse to never really put yourself out there. No one enjoys risking failure. But life—a real,passionate life—means dancing on the edge of failure and discovering the sweet freedom that comes from becoming its friend.

How many people told Arjen he was insane to leave his thriving practice to live on a sailboat? How many thought leaving Wall Street for cleaning the streets was nothing short of insane?

There is safety in life, and then there is life.

Stop worrying about what job will bring you passion. What hobby. Or even what person. Be passionate and its spirit will call itself out, attracting life to a you that is ready, willing, and able to dance that kind of dance.

 

-Jennifer Hamady

Jennifer Hamady is a voice coach and counselor specializing in emotional issues that interfere with self-expression. Click here(link is external) to learn more about her book: The Art of Singing: Discovering and Developing Your True Voice(link is external), heralded as a breakthrough in the psychology of personal and musical performance.

what am i looking for from life? spirituality

USA, Utah, Salt Lake City, Portrait of young woman looking away

What are you looking for from life? I struggle with this question, lord knows I do, and I believe I am not the only person who is experiencing this struggle.  Life is so frantic, who has the time to really ponder “What am I looking for from my life”? But, it’s an important question, and we must find the answer and work to achieve our goals.  Easier said then done right? We finally realize what we want and it seems impossible to achieve.  But nothing worthy is ever easily achieved, the fight for it makes the end result so much more joyous.

Let me share what I’m looking for –

 

Spirituality

 

  1. to have some clarity of mind;
  2. to feel each day more nearer to my inner self, be centered;
  3. to know myself;
  4. to have a greater level of spiritual joy that raises me above our human burdens;
  5. to live with intention and purpose;
  6. to be in the ocean of love and wisdom;
  7. to get a meaningful glimpse of the spiritual good side of everyone I come in contact with;
  8. to learn how to meditate when you do not have a lot of time to do so;
  9. to know how to abandon the shallower world around us to reach greater levels of peace;
  10. to really feel alive. I know that feeling. It doesn’t matter if you feel sad or happy there is a richness to it that is sometimes missing and I feel a dullness;
  11. to feel connected and not separated and lost would change my life;
  12. to just live;

how to most effectively pick a battle

We’re all given a finite amount of time in a day, and it’s up to each of us to determine how to spend it. In relationships (with kids, with a spouse, and so on), we’re faced with many conflicts everyday, and you may be tempted to fight through each of these conflicts, to ensure you get your way, to prove that you’re “right,” or maybe just because you feel challenged. But most experts agree: choosing your battles wisely is a much better way of life than battling out every disagreement.

 

angry

Although they may seem important at the time, most battles are NOT worth fighting.

According to Dr. Richard Carlson, author of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff … and It’s All Small Stuff, “Often we allow ourselves to get all worked up about things that, upon closer examination, aren’t really that big a deal. We focus on little problems and concerns and blow them way out of proportion.”

It’s up to us to choose to either make a big deal or simply let it go, and, according to Dr. Carlson, if you learn to choose your battles wisely, you’ll be far more effective in winning those battles that truly are important to you.

Older and Wiser

It seems that older people may really be wiser in that they are better at picking their battles than younger people, according to a study in the May 2005 Journal of Gerontology: Psychological Sciences.

“Older people appear better able than younger people to pick their battles,” said Kira Birditt, a researcher at the U-M Institute for Social Research (ISR). “When they’re upset with others, older people are more likely to do nothing or to wait and see if things improve. Younger people, on the other hand, are more likely to argue and yell.” Could it be that older people have figured out that the majority of things we argue over just aren’t worth it?

On the Road to a More Peaceful Life

Ideally, we’d all like to live in a conflict-free environment, where battles rarely, if ever, happen. And while it may seem like a stretch, getting to this point is really only a matter of figuring out what is really important to you, what is worth fighting for (and what’s not), and, perhaps, being a little more open-minded and accepting of those around us. According to Dr. Carlson, for many of us this may involve reevaluating our priorities in life.

Take a minute to think about the last argument you had. Perhaps you argued with your spouse about taking out the garbage or doing dishes. Maybe you battled with your toddler to take a nap or with your teenager take his hat off inside. Then take a minute to think about what’s really important to you. Chances are none of the things that you battled over will come up. Battling for your real priorities would likely involve fighting for you family’s safety, changing a law to be more just, making your community a better place, and so on.

 

fightingparents

 

Carefully choosing which battles to fight, and which to let go, will help strengthen your relationships.

Dr. Phil McGraw, author and host of the “Dr. Phil” TV show, says of choosing your battles, “Some battles are none of your business. Some battles you can never win so why try? We all need to adopt a spirit of acceptance to get along. Even though the decision may not be what you want, your acceptance of that decision is a way to have peace. You can pull someone toward your own ideals, but eventually they will pull back to their own instincts. Therefore, have a spirit of acceptance when people’s ideals are different from yours.”

How to Effectively Pick Your Battles

Not only will picking your battles lead to a more peaceful existence, but it’s also likely to strengthen your interpersonal relationships.

Says Sam Horn, author of Tongue Fu! How to Deflect, Disarm and Defuse Any Verbal Conflict , “Constantly riding your mate will put your entire relationship at risk. The key is to strike a balance between the battles you choose to fight and those you choose to let go.”

Picking your battles does take work, and, like any lifestyle change, motivation if it’s going to work. Here are some tips to help you determine what’s worth fighting over, and what’s best off left alone.

Nine Tips to Help You Avoid Unnecessary Battles

  1. Don’t fight over something that’s none of your business, or that you can’t do anything about.
  2. Think about the consequences of the argument. Are they worth it?
  3. Determine what the conflict is really about (are you really angry that your spouse takes a long time getting ready, or do you feel she’s disrespectful for making you wait?). Once you do this, then decide if it’s worth bringing up. If it is, address the underlying issue, not the superficial one.
  4. Make sure the argument is going to solve something.
  5. Don’t fight just because you “feel you’ve been challenged.”
  6. Ask yourself, “Is it really a big deal?” Chances are that it’s not.
  7. Realize that you don’t always have to have the last word, and often it takes the “bigger person” to simply let the conflict go.
  8. Ask yourself, “Am I really right? Does it matter if I’m right? Is there really a ‘right or wrong’ for this issue?”
  9. Is this an issue you’ll remember in five years? In one year or six months, even? If not, don’t fight it.

And, the next time you have a battle to fight or let go and you’re having a hard time deciding what to do, think of the words of author and public speaker Dale Carnegie:

“Any fool can criticize, complain, condemn — and most fools do. Picking your battles is impressive and fighting them fairly is essential.”

Sixwise.org

Are You Growing Series, #6 – Get Emotionally Honest

 

 

#6

 

03/29/16

 

Get Emotionally Honest

We have to let go of numbing our feelings and begin expressing our true feelings. Dont attempt to hide or numb your feelings by shopping, eating, and drinking to avoid the discomfort, sadness, and pain. If we are emotionally honest with ourselves we wil get to know our “true selves” on a deeper level.

Of course connecting to ourselves on a feeling level is for many of us, much easier said than done, but with practice, we can learn the language of emotions and become skilled at recognizing feelings when they arise, identifying them, experiencing them, and ultimately, honoring them through our communications and /or actions.

I believe we would be better off individually and as a society if we would be more emotionally honest. This could also help us  become more self-accepting which could lead to better life choices.

the key to happiness and living longer? harvard found it

Flyer-Healthy-Relationships-Oct-Nov-2012

What’s the secret to happiness and health? According to Harvard professor and psychiatrist Robert Waldinger, it has nothing to do with fame, money, or success.

“Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.”

In a multigenerational study that began at Harvard in the 1930s, two groups were studied: male Harvard students (which the New York Times noted included John F. Kennedy) and young boys from disadvantaged families living in Boston’s poorest neighborhoods. Through brain scans, interviews with the subjects (and eventually their families), blood analyses, and health exams, the 75+ year study has given a pretty profound conclusion. Happiness and health are all about relationships.

Here are the biggest takeaways:

  1. People who are more socially connected are happier, physically healthier, and live longer.
  2. Quality and quantity when it comes to close relationships; relationship satisfaction predicts future health.
  3. While high-conflict marriages can be worse than divorce, a “good relationship” doesn’t mean zero bickering. There are ups and downs, but the trust, commitment, and respect are key.
  4. “Loneliness kills.” The feeling of loneliness can be toxic; people who are isolated are less happy, their health declines sooner, their brain function declines sooner, and they live shorter lives.

In his Ted Talk, Waldinger reminded us to lean in to our relationships as much as we do our professional endeavors; our lives depend on it! Make friends in and out of work, and nurture your relationships with friends, family, and significant others, no matter how challenging it is. “Relationships are messy and complicated; it’s not sexy or glamorous. But it’s life-long.”

 

Dominique Astorino

how to take more action: 9 powerful tips

yoga-at-sunrise

To get things done you need to take action. Things seldom happen on their own.

But taking action can be difficult and hard. And so it’s easy to wind up in Lazyville or Procrastinationland a lot. How can you break out of such behaviour and develop a behaviour of taking more action?

Here are 10 tips that you’ll hopefully find useful.

  1. Reconnect with the present moment.

This will help you snap out of over thinking and just go and do whatever you want to get done.

This is probably the best tip I have found so far for taking more action since it puts you in a state where you feel little emotional resistance to the work you’ll do. And it puts you in state where the right actions often just seem to flow out of you in a focused but relaxed way and without much effort.

One of the simplest ways to connect with the present moment is just to keep your focus on you breathing for a minute or two. Check out 7 more tips in 8 Ways to Return to the Present Moment.

  1. Be accountable to others.

If you tell a bunch of people that you are going to do something then it will be hard to not do it. You don’t want to disappoint them. Or have to face up to them the next time you meet.

If you have a hard time getting going with something get some support. If you for instance workout, do it with a friend to motivate each other to take action – and actually go to the gym – when motivation runs low. Motivating each other and bringing enthusiasm when one of you is feeling low can really help to develop consistency and useful habits.

Think about how you can involve others to help all of you to take more action.

This tip works well. But it can put you in situation where you take action to avoid pain, to avoid judgement. And it can help you create pressure within yourself. Such a state may not always be the best one to be in to take action and perform well. One way to lessen such problems is to use this tip and then when you are about to take action you reconnect with the present moment to quiet negativity within yourself.

  1. Be accountable to yourself.

In the long run a more consistent and perhaps healthier way to develop a habit of taking more action is to answer to yourself instead of others. To set your own standards and principles for how you will behave.

The problem with this one is that you are likely to cheat on yourself and rationalize how you don’t need to take action or follow your principles. When the social pressure of having to answer to others isn’t there it’s easy to slip and fall into laziness or procrastination.

But over time you can become more and more consistent with acting according to your own standards. I believe that one of the keys to develop this kind of thinking is to get off a dependence on external validation and be more internally validated. You can read more about that at # 8 in 9 Great Ways to Make Yourself Absolutely Miserable.

If you can develop accountability to your own standards then it can be more consistent than the one you get from relying on being accountable to others. It comes from within so it doesn’t have to rely on other, outer circumstances that may fluctuate.

It is also very useful to help you feel good about yourself and to help you grow. If you rely on being accountable to others and their validation then you may grow but also feel confined by what others expect from you. If you are accountable to yourself then you set your limits wherever you want them.

  1. Lighten up.

One way to dissuade yourself from taking action is to take whatever you are about to do too seriously. That makes it feel too big, too difficult and too scary. If you on the other hand relax a bit and lighten up you often realize that those problems and negative feelings are just something you are creating in your own mind. With a lighter state of mind your tasks seems lighter and becomes easier to get started with. Have a look at Lighten Up! for more on this topic.

  1. Use a limited to-do list.

A to-do list is a simple and great way to remember what you are about to do. But it’s easy to get overly enthusiastic when writing it and putting in to many items. And then when you look at that big list you feel drained and an urge to procrastinate.

But do you need to do all those things?

Think about what the absolutely most important items on the list are. Just two or three. Then put them on a new to-do list. This list will seem less daunting and I have found that it makes it easier to actually take action and get those things done.

  1. Choose instead of should.

Here’s a small but useful tip. You don’t really need to do anything. You always choose what to do. Thinking about things this way removes the “shoulds” and “need tos” that take your personal power away and make you feel like you aren’t in control. When you think that you choose to do whatever you do then you regain the control and power. And it becomes easier to take action.

  1. Focus on the how instead of the if’s.

What if’s can really mess with your mind. You can spend days, weeks or years thinking about what may happen if you take action. So instead of letting your mind get lost in what if’s focus on the how. In a situation focus on how you can do something, how you can solve a problem or achieve a goal. Do some research if you need to. Or get support and help from other people.

Focusing on the how puts your mind to better use and creates a positive attitude within rather than a negative and uncertain one. This makes it easier to take action without too much hand wringing and time spent over thinking things.

  1. Get enthusiastic.

Enthusiasm is great emotional state to be in to get going and take action. And if you aren’t feeling enthusiastic then that’s OK too. You can pretty much always create enthusiasm within yourself. Check out 4 Powerful Reasons to Up Your Enthusiasm, and How to Do It for tips on how you can do that from both me and you (there are some really good suggestions in the comments section of that article).

  1. Start small.

To get from a state where you just feel like sitting on your chair and doing nothing much to one where you take action over and over you can do this: start small.

Getting started with your biggest task or most difficult action may seem too much and land you in Procrastinationland. So instead, start with something that doesn’t seem so hard.

One of my favourites is simply to take a few minutes to clean my desk. After that the next thing doesn’t seem so difficult to get started with since I’m now in a more of a “take action” kind of mode.