is your past relationship holding you back? 10 signs it might be.

youcantkee

It’s been said more than once that one of the easiest ways to get over a past relationship is by jumping into a new one.

It’s easy, fast and a safe way to avoid heartbreak almost completely.

After all, old love lost can always be replaced by new love gained.

But what do you do when you find new love, but still find yourself obsessing over your old love?

It could happen to any of us.

You may date someone new, but inside, you may secretly dream of getting back with you ex.

Ever been there?

Moving on from a past relationship

Rebound relationships are perfect cures for heartbreak.

But to actually get over a relationship, you need to learn to accept the end.

Unless you learn to convince yourself that you need to move on, your thoughts about your ex will always linger on no matter how many new people you date or have sex with.

Past relationships can affect your life forever

You may date someone new, but you’ll never be able to truly love them unless you let go of the illusion of love you’ve created around your ex. Your happy moments will never feel happy, and the minor arguments you have with your present lover will only make you want to get back with your ex even more, even though there’s no chance of that ever happening.

Remember, your ex and you broke up for a reason. There’s nothing you can do about it but move on. Fantasizing about it will only make you feel miserable and leave you unhappy, even if you’re in a relationship that’s far better than the one you’ve shared with your ex.

 

Signs your past relationship is holding you back

It’s alright to think fondly of your ex now and then. After all, you did share a lot of great moments with them. But unless you close the past chapter and start your present romance with a clean slate, you’ll never be able to move on. And the love that you experience with anyone else will never truly be love, because you’re still holding on to the love you have for someone else, someone who will never love you back again.

Are you still in love with your ex? Use these 10 signs to find out of your ex is ruining your present romance and any chances of a happier life.

#1 Comparisons. In your mind, do you constantly find yourself comparing every little detail of your new relationship with your past relationship? You have to understand that no relationship is ever the same. Instead of comparing how one relationship is better than the other, just learn to enjoy the present romance. After all, pros and cons never work in love, instincts and feelings do.

#2 Bumping into your ex. Do you imagine circumstances where you bump into your ex? Do you visualize how amazing it would feel or the way you’d tightly wrap your arms around your ex? If you dream of the happy conversations you’d have with each other or how the lingering touches would feel, you’re definitely still in love with you ex even if you feel otherwise.

#3 You talk about your ex. How often do you talk about you ex with your lover, your friends or even with yourself? Talking about exes is a way of keeping in touch with the memories. If someone else talks about your ex, that’s acceptable. But if you secretly look for ways to twist the conversation towards your ex, you definitely haven’t moved on yet.

And just so you know, even bitching about your ex to your new lover is still your way of keeping in touch with your ex’s memory by comparing your relationships.

#4 You dream of your ex. Well, I’m not talking about literally dreaming of your ex here. Do you spend a lot of time now and then daydreaming about situations where you and your ex bump into each other and spend time together, at work or on a holiday or some other place?

If you fantasize about scenarios where you and your ex have to spend time together, or recreate a fantasy where both of you fall back into love, you definitely need to work on your moving-on skills.

#5 Dating with a vendetta. Are you dating someone new only to prove a point to your ex that you can find someone just as sexy and awesome as your ex *or even better*? It may be a good way to piss your ex off, but once the high of rubbing it on you ex’s face wears off, you’ll realize that you still have a soft spot for your ex.

#6 Online research. Do you google your ex now and then? Digging the dirt on your ex once a year is completely fine, and once a month is safe but on the edge. But if you’re googling your ex at least once every week, you need to keep yourself distracted because you still seem to be obsessed with your ex.

And if you do find yourself looking at your ex’s facebook wall, twitter feed or blog every night, you need serious help. You are still deeply addicted to your ex and no matter how many people you date, your ex will always have your heart until you’re ready to move on.

#7 News of your ex. Are you excited by hearing any news about your ex, be it their new job or the new person they’re dating? Perhaps, you’re ready to move on but you’re still obsessed with your ex. Carry this on for a few months and you may just end up becoming a stalker!

#8 You want to have an affair. If you’ve considered having an affair with your ex or if you’re trying to convince your ex to have an affair with you, you know you haven’t moved on yet. Even thinking it is a sure sign that you’d be willing to give up your present relationship if your ex would give you a second chance. Do you really think you can ever be happy in a new relationship when all you want to do is look for ways to have sex with your ex?

#9 You fantasize about your ex. Do you secretly fantasize about your ex while having sex with your present lover? It may feel really good visualizing your ex naked in bed with you, but with thoughts like that, you’re only driving your mind further away from your current romance.

#10 You don’t want to move on. This is the scenario most lovers fall into. Even though the relationship is over, many of us never want to move on. We may date someone else, but deep inside, we still keep our ex close to our heart hoping that they may return one day, even if it takes years.

If you’ve never really tried to get over you ex, and secretly use your partner only to fill the void on your heart, you’ll never ever be able to move on, and you’ll never experience a relationship that can truly be fulfilling and blissful.

Learn to move on

You may still have a secret crush on your ex, or you may dream of getting back with them someday. But you know what, that may never happen.

The odds of dating an ex and having a successful relationship with them are very slim. The same problems will crop up all over again, and the same misery will follow. If you find yourself obsessing over your ex, learn to move on. You really have no other choice here.

Live in the present, and focus on improving the relationship you have with your present partner. By holding on to your past, you’ll be stuck in a miserable memory that will neither give you happiness or love, because everything you do and the world you create in your mind will only be a figment of your imagination.

It may take a while, but by letting go of your ex’s thoughts and avoiding ways to know more about your ex, you can move on and get over them completely. And only then can you truly experience the happiness of your current romance.

Use these signs to find out if your past relationship is still holding you back from having a perfectly happy new romance. And if you find yourself indulging in any of these signs, you need to understand that it’s time to let go and move on, to a better romance.

10 ways to ignore douche-bags

Businesswoman yelling in businessman's ear

Douche-bags are everywhere, and that is a fact of life that most of us hate. Everyone has that one person in their life who can effortlessly make you miserable just by their mere presence. We always wonder why, despite the universe being a jerk in itself, there are individuals who add to the suffering by being a storm cloud on another person’s beautiful day. But that’s the way it is. C’est la vie.

We hate those kinds of people and we tend to avoid associating with them. But there are instances when we can’t totally avoid them like the plague. As a result, we have no choice but to adopt measures to counter their negative presence. One effective way is by using these simple and innocent evasive maneuvers to make sure your day stays fresh and enjoyable.

Who are these people?

As we’ve said, the universe itself can be a jerk who makes sure that such people take the form of a co-worker, a college classmate, a boss, a neighbor, or even a family member whom you must see or deal with every waking day. Maybe you recognize these types:

#1 The Quintessential Jerk. These are the types of people you’d kill in an instant if there weren’t any laws against it. They are obnoxious bullies who actively put you down through insults and demeaning comments. Their idea of social interaction is antagonizing everyone and making their lives miserable.

#2 The Constant Whiner. These people might not be jerks in terms of personality, but they unwittingly ruin your day by their constant complaining of their problems, which are often simple and superficial. They’ll come to you for advice, but whatever advice you do give will fall to deaf ears. They think that the whole world should mourn with them if they have problems. These people are also known as “ask-holes.”

#3 The Narcissistic Braggart. You’ve met one of these at least once in your life. They’re the ones who steal the spotlight from any conversation. They are self-centered, attention-grabbing jerks who think that they are infallible and should be worshiped by the people around them. These are the types who talk behind your back and just talk a lot in general.

How to ignore people who breed negativity

Sadly, however you try to avoid them, you cannot keep negative people at bay forever. There will be times when you’ll have to deal with them. In that case, try these tips:

#1 Avoid eye contact. Just like what your parents always said when you encounter a vicious dog, avoid eye contact and go on with your day peacefully. Making eye contact could otherwise invite them to approach and talk to you, and you’ll be trapped in a very unpleasant situation.

#2 Don’t talk to them. Annoying people feed on your reaction to their provocations. That’s the reason for their constant efforts to make you miserable. One easy way to nip it in the bud is to ignore them completely. If they see that you don’t care, they’ll probably leave you alone.

#3 Keep your conversations short. If dealing with them is unavoidable, you can make things easier by using short responses. Make sure you limit your conversation to questions answerable by only a yes or a no. If they try to strike up a longer conversation or start jerking around, walk away.

#4 Try to avoid their space. You might have an idea of where these people move around or hang out, so if you want to decrease the chance of encountering them, stay away from those places.

#5 Keep busy. This is effective at school or in the workplace. Being busy with your work makes you less susceptible to being disturbed by other people. And it has many other benefits, too. You’ll get things done, time will fly, and you’ll keep the jerk away.

#6 Take “buffer” people. Buffer people, as cruel as it may sound, can be used as a human shield to prevent that annoying person from talking to you. This could be a coworker who is equally displeased with the person, or even an intimidating friend. Tag along with them when you’re most vulnerable, such as during your lunch break.

#7 Use your phone. Appear busy by fumbling through your phone or feigning a call when you notice that the annoying person has gotten you in their sight. Keep doing that while walking away until they are out of sight.

#8 Wear headphones. Another way to avoid them is to wear your headphones and listen to some feel-good music when you realize that they’re hovering around like vultures ready to pick on your good day. Headphones serve as a big “do not disturb sign” over your head and are a good excuse to ignore them by saying that you can’t hear them over the music.

#9 Do not make them a topic of conversation. So let’s say that the person has successfully turned your day sour. The trick is to forget it and move on. Make the person realize that you are not affected by their douchiness. Complaining and talking about them will only make your day worse. Take a friend and talk about a fresh topic to keep them out of your head.

#10 Adopt evasive maneuvers. These are simple ways to avoid those obnoxious people when you detect them in your radar:

a) If you pass them by the hall, fumble in your bag as if you’re looking for something while walking faster.

b) As the Art of War states, use terrain to your advantage. The water dispenser, an empty cubicle, or a corner store can provide you with sanctuary when the need arises.

c) A quick bathroom break can help you escape from them should they prove to be persistent.

No matter what, there will always be people who will want to ruin your day. The only question is whether you’ll let them do as they please or if you’ll keep the negativity out of your life by turning your head the other way and ignoring them.

 

Paul Mangay

how to connect with absolutely anyone – make real friends

friends_crop380w

Make Real Friends

If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through life, he will soon find himself alone. A man should keep his friendships in constant repair. ~Samuel Johnson

Make real friends. Think about how you’ve made the friends you have. That’s all this is. You only make friends with people you genuinely want in your life. The same rule should go for bigger-name connections. Don’t over-think it. Be human, be helpful and most humans will happily be human in return, regardless of who they are.

what am i looking for in my life? self-acceptance and confidence

Mute swan Cygnus olor gliding across a mist covered lake at dawn

Self- Acceptance and Confidence

 

to build enough self-confidence to spread my message to wider audiences;

to quiet the negative self-talk;

to move away from negative self-limiting thoughts;

to quell my self doubts and just get on with it so that my life doesn’t feel like it’s one step forward and two steps back;

to recognize all the good in my life, and being content with it.

to worry less about my performance at work (which is very high, but due to family conditioning, I always feel ‘on trial’);

to feel more courage, and less embarrassment;

to be confident about consistently making good decisions;

dreadlocks, they’re not what you thought

Two sadhus (holy hermits) with his hair in jata.

 

Dredlocks

 

Dreadlocks, also locs, dreads, or in Sanskrit, Jata, are intentionally matted and sculpted ropes of hair. Various methods are used to encourage the formation of locks such as backcombing, braiding and rolling. While leaving long hair to its own devices – foregoing brushing, combing or cutting the hair – will generally result in tangles and mats, the formation of evenly sized ropes takes planning and maintenance. A common misconception is that those who have consciously formed dreadlocks do not wash their hair, but this is usually not the case; many dreadlock care regimens require the wearer to wash their hair as regularly as non-locked hair.

In Ancient Greece, kouros sculptures from the Archaic period depict men wearing dreadlocks, while Spartan hoplites (generally described as fair-haired) wore formal locks as part of their battle dress. Spartan magistrates known as Ephors also wore their hair braided in long locks, an Archaic Greek tradition that was steadily abandoned in other Greek kingdoms. The style was worn by Ancient Christian Ascetics, and the Dervishes of Islam, among others. Some of the very earliest Christians also may have worn this hairstyle; there are descriptions of James the Just, first Bishop of Jerusalem, who is said to have worn them to his ankles.

Pre-Columbian Aztec priests were described in Aztec codices (including the Durán Codex, the Codex Tudela and the Codex Mendoza) as wearing their hair untouched, allowing it to grow long and matted.

In Senegal, the Baye Fall, followers of the Mouride movement, a Sufi movement of Islam founded in 1887 by Shaykh Aamadu Bàmba Mbàkke, are famous for growing locks and wearing multi-colored gowns. Cheikh Ibra Fall, founder of the Baye Fall school of the Mouride Brotherhood, popularized the style by adding a mystic touch to it. Warriors among the Fulani, Wolof and Serer in Mauritania, and Mandinka in Mali and Niger were known for centuries to have worn cornrows when young and and dreadlocks when old.

Rastafari

 

Rastafari movement locks are symbolic of the Lion of Judah which is sometimes centered on the Ethiopian flag. Rastafari hold that Haile Selassie is a direct descendant of King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba, through their son Menelik I. Their dreadlocks were inspired by the Nazarites of the Bible.

When reggae music gained popularity and mainstream acceptance in the 1970s, the locks (often called “dreads”) became a notable fashion statement; they were worn by prominent authors, actors, athletes and rappers, and were even portrayed as part of gang culture in such movies as Marked for Death.

With dreadlocks style in vogue, the fashion and beauty industries capitalized on the trend. A completely new line of hair care products and services in salons catered to a white clientele, offering all sorts of dreadlocks hair care items such as wax (considered unnecessary and even harmful by many), shampoo, and jewelry. Hairstylists created a wide variety of modified locks, including multi-colored synthetic lock hair extensions and “dread perms”, where chemicals are used to treat the hair.

Locked models appeared at fashion shows, and Rasta clothing with a Jamaican-style reggae look was sold. Even exclusive fashion brands like Christian Dior created whole Rasta-inspired collections worn by models with a variety of lock hairstyles.

 

Dreadlocks of a person of Métisancestry, decorated with beads

 

In the West, dreadlocks have gained particular popularity among counter culture adherents such as hippies, crust punks, New Age travelers, goths and many members of the Rainbow Family. Many people from these cultures wear dreadlocks for similar reasons: symbolizing a rejection of government-controlled, mass-merchandising culture or to fit in with the people and crowd they want to be a part of (such as those who are fans of reggae music). Members of the cyber goth subculture also often wear blatantly artificial synthetic dreads or “dreadfalls” made of synthetic hair, fabric or plastic tubing.

Since the rise of the popularity of dreadlocks, African Americans have developed a large variety of ways to wear dreadlocked hair. Most of the African Americans in the United States with dreadlocks where people that live in Miami and New Orleans, with Louisiana having a Creole and Native American background and Florida with Haitian Roots. Specific elements of these styles include the flat-twist, in which a section of locks are rolled together flat against the scalp to create an effect similar to the cornrows, and braided dreadlocks. Examples include flat-twisted half-back styles, flat-twisted mohawk styles, braided buns and braid-outs (or lock crinkles). Social networking websites, web forums, web-logs and especially online video-logs like YouTube have become popular methods for people with dreadlocks to transmit ideas, pictures and tutorials for innovative styles.

 

Methods of making dreadlocks

 

Traditionally, it was believed that in order to create dreadlocks, an individual had to refrain from brushing, combing or cutting. This method created dreadlocks that varied greatly in size, width, shape, length, and texture. The method has come to be known as the “Neglect” method. Other names for this method include “Organic” or “Patience” methods. Similarly, “Free form” dreadlocks are created by allowing the hair to knit together naturally into locks of varying sizes. Free form locks are patterned to a degree, as the hair is separated in “chunks” (not parted as with a comb) into fairly determinate sections after washing.

A variety of other starter methods have been developed to offer greater control over the general appearance of dreadlocks. Together, these alternative techniques are more commonly referred to as “salon” or “manicured” dreadlocks.

Using beeswax to make dreads can cause problems because it does not wash out, due to the high melting point of natural wax. Because wax is a hydrocarbon, water alone, no matter how hot, will be able to remove wax.

 

As with the organic and free form method, the salon methods rely on hair naturally matting over a period of months to gradually form dreadlocks. The difference is in the initial technique by which loose hair is encouraged to form a rope-like shape. Whereas free form dreadlocks can be created by simply refraining from combing or brushing hair and occasionally separating matted sections, salon dreadlocks use tool techniques to form the basis of the starter, immature, set of dreadlocks. A “matured” set of salon dreadlocks won’t look the same as a set of dreadlocks that have been started with neglect or free form.

For African hair types, salon dreadlocks can be formed by evenly sectioning and styling the loose hair into braids, coils, twists, or using a procedure called dread perming specifically used for straight hair. For European, Hispanic, Asian, and Indian hair types, Backcombing and Twist and Rip are some of the more popular methods of achieving starter dreadlocks.

Regardless of hair type or texture and starter method used, dreadlocks require time before they are fully matured. The process hair goes through as it develops into matured dreadlocks is continuous.

There is also the ability to adopt different types of fake dreadlocks that may make the hair look as real as possible. This process is called synthetic dreadlocks. There are two different types of synthetic dreadlocks. The first is dread extensions, in which other hair can be infused with the wearer’s own hair. The second is dreadfalls, in which one dread is tied into another with either elastic or lace. Both of these methods are used to make dreads look better and more appealing, and to achieve the desired effect of longer hair.

Dreads work well with natural thick hair. Some African-Americans prefer this type of hairstyle since their hair is naturally thick.

So, as you can see, it’s not just unkempt dirty hair. There is a history; some have a reason/meaning behind their decision to loc. It takes time, maintenance, and love.  You find a family of Loc Lovers who you come to depend on as every stage of your loc journey is full of excitement. It’s one of the better choices I made regarding my natural hair.

 

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

and Beauty Is Growth/Lisa Johnson

me

remember failure is an event, not a person

Too frequently, we become our failures. We allow our failures to become our identities. We are no longer a person who hasn’t gotten a job yet. Instead, we are unemployable. Instead of someone trying to lose weight, we become a fat person. Once we identify ourselves as a failure, this affects how we approach our…

via Remember That Failure Is an Event, Not a Person. Yesterday Ended Last Night – Zig Ziglar — The Seeds 4 Life

how to connect with absolutely anyone – be genuine

conflict_hdr

Be Genuine

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” – Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People

I don’t care what your goals, industry or interests are, there’s no getting around it: Personal relationships run the world.

Be genuine. The only connections that work will be the ones that you truly care about; the world will see through anything short of that. If you don’t have a genuine interest in the person with whom you’re trying to connect, then stop trying.