i am too old for this game-playing crap

maxine annoy

I feel like in my 20s and 30s, so many conversations with friends were spent wondering about what people were thinking and talking around the obvious while doing anything to not have tough, awkward or scary conversations with people.

“Is he interested?”

“Is that person upset?”

“What do they mean by that?”

I would spend hours trying to decipher behavior or conversations like they were a Rubik’s Cube. Figuring, if I let it run long enough on the hamster wheel of my mind, I would somehow figure out the complex puzzle’s answer that must be hidden in there somewhere! Looking for the “a-ha moment” that just didn’t exist.

Ain’t nobody got time for that.

At this point, I only want to be as real as possible with the people in my life. That starts by expressing myself well and asking for what I need: Having the tough conversations, but in a kind and honest way and letting go of the confusion by asking questions (even when I am scared of the answers).

Knowing that the truth always is better in the long run, even when it hurts (temporarily).

Here is what that looks like to me:

– To always be confident enough in who I am, to let the person I am interested in actually know without playing ridiculous and exhausting games.

– When I choose to let people into my life, and it is the right time, to let them know I am on their side. That I am going to do everything in my power to be great for them. That I won’t expect them to be a mind reader and will tell them what I need and when something is wrong. They’ll know that I am here, as their partner in crime, to work through the hard stuff and that I am not just in this to confirm that I am loveable, but to learn, grow and build a life-changing relationship. That is where all of the gooey goodness is!

That all starts with me and being healthy enough in who I am to hold up my end of the bargain. Who’s with me?

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