Why Self-Love Is The Key To Finding True Love




“The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.” ~Sonya Friedman

The moon was shining brightly that balmy summer’s night in the park. He’d arranged a meeting to “sort things out.” Little did he know I’d finally built the courage to walk away. And that’s exactly what I did.

I was devastated but mostly relieved. Finally, I was free.

For the longest time I’d craved his love. I needed his approval. I wanted the happy ending so badly.

Why? I meant something when I was with him. I felt worthy and kind of secure.

But I wasn’t. I’d given away all of my power. I was dependent on him to feel love.

And he knew it, so he treated me however he wanted. For him it was a game, and every problem in our relationship somehow always came back to me.

I was needy, insecure, and completely out of touch with who I was and what I really wanted. I’d sacrificed everything about me in an effort to try to please another being.

He told me I wasn’t sexy enough, so I read book after book about how to be more feminine and alluring. He told me I was too quiet, so I went out of my way to be outgoing, happy, and bubbly. He told me I took up too much time, so I made other plans and disappeared for a while.

He could have told me anything and I would have accepted it. There wasn’t an ounce of self-respect in my bones. My misery was born from this very fact.

I’d let this happen for so long. It wasn’t entirely his fault. My neediness and lack of self-worth had created and perpetuated our problems. But for some reason that I can’t explain, that evening a spark had been ignited and I’d finally had enough.

I’d reached my pain threshold. I was completely done with feeling miserable, doubting myself, and feeling disrespected. I was so over letting someone else control my decisions, emotions, and self-worth.

I’d begun to love myself a little more than I loved him. A butterfly was emerging from the cold, dark cocoon I’d been hiding in my whole life. It felt new and scary but ridiculously empowering and liberating.

In a moment of clarity a string of epiphanies melted my confusion:

  • Deep love comes from within.
  • I choose how I want to feel.
  • I’ll never be satisfied just with love from someone else.
  • If I don’t authentically love myself, I can’t expect anyone else to truly love me.
  • The way I treat myself shows others how I expect to be treated.

That evening I vowed to put myself first and to be kind, loving, and generous with myself. This is the way I wanted to be treated. Out of self-respect and needing a fresh start, I walked away. From that point on it was my intention to live my life on my terms.

It might sound selfish, but it was completely the opposite. And it eventually led me to the life-long relationship of my dreams.

What’s The Real Impact Of Neediness On Relationships?

I wholeheartedly believe that sharing the joys and wonder of life with another being who lights up your world is absolutely priceless. There’s nothing like it. It’s one of the greatest joys on Earth, and something every human being deserves to experience.

But it’s extremely hard to find this happiness with another if you’re in a relationship with a need to be filled up by someone else.

Being needy, insecure, and trying to gain approval and a sense of self-worth from your partner puts a huge amount of pressure on them, and it’s a major turn-off.

It’s an unachievable task because feeling inherently loved and worthy comes from within. Not from your partner.

An outstanding love doesn’t come from two half-fulfilled people coming together to make one whole, complete life. Outstanding love comes from two whole people coming together to share and enhance their already full and beautiful lives.

An amazing relationship comes about when we own and appreciate who we are and completely accept the other person for who they are.

So loving and putting you first is not selfish, it’s necessary. It’s imperative to creating the wonderful love and life we all desire. And let’s get something straight—loving yourself doesn’t deplete the love tank; it actually fills it up so we have even more to give.

What Does Self-Love Really Look Like?

It’s prioritizing your dreams and making an effort to do things that inspire and light you up.

It’s saying no to things you don’t agree with or that don’t fit in with your plans.

It’s deciding to spend time with people who support, encourage, and motivate you to be the best version of you.

It’s owning your thoughts and opinions and refusing to be swayed in order to please others.

It’s being gentle with and talking kindly and sweetly to yourself.

It’s having the courage to try new things that you’ve always wanted to experience.

It’s taking time out to nourish your mind, body, and soul—exercise, eating well, alone time.

It’s trusting your intuition and honoring your own truth.

It’s spending money on things that make you feel amazing while investing in your future.

It’s daring to believe that you’re capable of achieving and creating the life you visualize.

It’s choosing to see the good and refusing to let others bring you down.

It’s gifting yourself forgiveness and accepting yourself for all of your beautiful and not-so-cool quirks and qualities.

How Does Self-Love Create A Great Relationship?

When we truly love and respect ourselves, we’re free from doubt and endless worry, so we trust our feelings and decisions. It allows us to be courageous and authentic.

We begin to live from the heart and play a bigger, kinder, more generous version of life. We forget our self-imposed boundaries and dare to dream larger and wilder.

We stop focusing on negativity and become present to the beauty and possibilities within and outside of ourselves. We realize how great our lives are and open the doors for gratitude to flow in abundance.

We start to emanate happiness, confidence, playfulness, peace, and positivity.

It’s electric and like a powerful magnet to others. Your ideal partner will be drawn to you like a bear fresh out of hibernation looking for his first meal.

And once you find that special one, love will be easy.

It’ll be natural. It’ll flow freely without judgment or pretense. It’ll inspire and nourish you. Your lives will be even richer, happier, and more vibrant than ever.

And you’ll wonder why you didn’t take the time to fall radically in love with you just a little bit sooner.

Pia Scade


are good works the way to earn a blessing?

Good works can never be the means to eternal life. However, those who have received God’s gift of salvation will demonstrate that God is in their lives by the way they treat those around them. By contrast, those who repay evil with evil demonstrate theat they have not been truly transformed by God’s grace.

eternal life


1 Peter 3:9-12

 Do not repay evil for evil or insult for insult, but give a blessing instead—it is for this reason you were called, so that you might inherit a blessing. 10 For,

“The one who loves life,
wanting to see good days,
must keep his tongue from evil
and his lips from speaking deceit.
11 He must turn away from evil and do good.
He must seek shalom and pursue it.
12 For the eyes of Adonai are on the righteous
and His ears open to their prayer,
but the face of Adonai is against those who do evil.”[a

keys to making a good decision



There are important steps and keys to making a good decision.

Good or sound decision-making is necessary for living life productively and efficiently.

All of us are confronted with various decisions to make on a daily basis. Some are small and of minor consequence, while others are huge and potentially life changing. Some are simple and obvious choices; others are more difficult and painstaking.

For those that are complex and difficult to make, there is a process we can follow to help us come up with a good solution.

The Keys To Making a Good Decision

  • Identify the decision to be made as well as the objectives or outcome you want to achieve.
  • Do your homework. Gather as many facts and as much information you can to assess your options.
  • Brainstorm and come up with several possible choices. Determine if the options are compatible with your values, interests and abilities.
  • Weigh the probabilities or possible outcomes. In other words, what’s the worst that can happen? What will happen if I do A, B or C and can I live with the consequences?
  • Make a list of the pros and cons. Prioritize which considerations are very important to you, and which are less so. Sometimes when you match the pros against the cons you may find them dramatically lopsided.
  • Solicit opinions and obtain feedback from those you trust or have had a similar situation to contend with. There may be some aspects you haven’t thought about.
  • Make the decision and monitor your results. Make sure you obtain the desired outcome.

Points To Consider

There are no guarantees. Certainly you can never know in advance whether a decision will be correct, therefore, you must be prepared to take risks.

Look for the opportunities. If you make a mistake, view it as an opportunity to learn what didn’t work and why. Many times decisions are reversible and you can change your mind.

Hindsight is 20/20. On occasion, you might discover in hindsight situations that may have affected your decision had you known about them earlier. This is normal and typical but should not stall your decision-making process.

Do not get stuck and do nothing. If you’ve done everything you can to make a good decision and still can’t make up your mind, do not delay making an important decision for fear that you don’t know enough or will make the wrong choice.

Don’t let fear stop you. Sometimes people become so paralyzed with the fear of making a wrong decision that they panic and lose sight of what they’re trying to accomplish. This hinders making any decision.

Don’t second-guess yourself. In the end, second-guessing yourself also undermines what you’re trying to accomplish. Once you’ve made the decision, let the chips fall where they may. At the very least, you will have learned important lessons.


When all is said and done, all you can do is the best with what you have to work with. Incidentally, do not underestimate the power of intuition, or your gut feeling. After all the facts are weighed and evaluated, it can be the final determinant. Quite often it may be all you have to go by.



hot monogamy?


Is monogamy hot or not? For many women, the answer is “yeah, baby!”

Women of all ages say they’re enjoying sex with their partner more now than they used to, according to results of the new ELLE/MSNBC.com Sex and Love Survey. For many men, however, giving up the thrill of the chase means giving up some thrills in the bedroom as well.

A record 77,895 adults took the online reader survey over two weeks in February, answering more than two dozen questions about what works and what doesn’t in their sex lives. Nine out of 10 reported being in monogamous relationships.

Almost two-thirds of women participants, ranging from ages 18 up to 85, said they are satisfied or very satisfied with their sex life. They feel less sexually inhibited than they did early in their relationship and are having more multiple orgasms.

And despite the cliché of the elusive female Big O, two-thirds of women respondents said they usually or always climax during love-making. Adding to their pleasure, they’re enjoying cuddles and kisses along with plenty of “I love you’s” from their partners, the survey found.

“Women are getting as much sex as they need and they’re getting a lot of emotional satisfaction,” says Janet Lever, a sociologist at California State University at Los Angeles who helped develop the survey and is surprised by how satisfied female respondents said they were. “They’re having sex on their terms, as often as they want, and with fewer inhibitions.”

But while many women are reporting sizzling monogamy, the guys had a more lukewarm response.

Although men and women start with the same level of sexual satisfaction when they begin a relationship, after just a few years men claim to be less content, both physically and emotionally, than they were in the early days.

While 49 percent of men said they’re satisfied or very satisfied with their sex life, almost twice as many guys as women reported being very dissatisfied (24 percent vs. 13 percent) with their bedroom activities.

Men were more likely to report less sexual frequency — 73 percent of men said there was more sex in the early days, compared with 65 percent of women.

“Men have a greater preference for different partners and variety,” says Sandra Leiblum, director of the Center for Sexual and Marital Health at the Robert Wood Johnson Medical School in Piscataway, N.J., who was not involved in the survey. “It’s not surprising for men that being in a relationship may get boring. They feel tied down.”

There seems to be a failure to communicate. While only 38 percent of women said they think their partner wants sex more often, a whopping 66 percent of men said they do want more (only 25 percent of women report wanting sex more often than their partner).

Part of the problem is that although men want more, the women don’t see it. “For most of these women, there is a disconnect between what they want and what their partners want — and what they think their partners want,” says Lever.

That disconnect can spell big trouble. Of men who cheated, the two main reasons were wanting more sex and more sexual variety.

Longing for the good old days
Guys also are bummed because they feel sexually unappreciated. Among men, 53 percent said they felt more desired by their partners in the early days of the relationship.

Even when they do make love, 41 percent of men said they wish it lasted longer. More than two-thirds of all participants said the average sex session lasts anywhere from 16 minutes to an hour, but for almost 20 percent making whoopee takes less than 15 minutes.

Men also reported getting more oral sex and having more multiple orgasms per session in the good old days. A third of men said their partner doesn’t like to give oral sex and never or only rarely performs it now.

Both men and women reported a drop-off in passion after two years together, but being together a long time doesn’t necessarily mean the end of bedroom bliss, even if it means a little less quantity.

A key finding was that 97 percent of men and women who reported being very satisfied with their sex lives said they are happy with their partner overall.

Couples who reported good sexual communication and were open to trying new bedroom tricks reported being quite satisfied even decades after they met. Of couples who have been together six years or more, 34 percent said their passion is as strong as in the early days. Even after up to 20 years, one in three couples is still having a fabulous sex life.


Taking sex seriously
“Overall, the people who take their sex life seriously are the people who have the best sex,” says Leiblum. “People who do the same old, same old are the ones who report that sex is boring.”

The new survey’s positive picture of women’s sex lives seems to contradict the stereotype of the “hurried woman syndrome,” where overworked, stressed-out females collapse in bed on a regular basis, too tired to muster up an orgasm. Even still, 42 percent of women cited stress or being too busy as reasons why they didn’t have sex at one point or another in the prior month.

One exception to the overall positive picture for women is the large group — nearly 25 percent — whose negative body image prevents them from feeling sexy. Only one in 20 guys said they felt that way, the survey found.

“It’s not just that women feel bad about their bodies,” says Lever. “It has a distinct carryover into their sex lives. Even if their partner finds them beautiful, the women still don’t feel attractive enough to take off their clothes and have sex.”

By Jane Weaver

Health editor

dare to be an original


dare to be an original


When you dare to be an original you are in essence daring to be “yourself” and everything that encompasses who you really are. To many of us, that can be a scary and daunting proposition.

And why is that?

Because it means putting ourselves on the line. It means subjecting ourselves to scrutiny, judgment and possible ridicule. It means exposure and vulnerability.

Certainly there is more comfort to be found in conformity, lying low, and blending in with the crowd.

There is also boredom, complacency, and the prospect of never living to your potential.

It takes courage and self-confidence to dare to be an original – to reveal your uniqueness and to show that you’re one of a kind. However, as with any frightening endeavor, the rewards of overcoming obstacles and prevailing far out weigh the consequences of not venturing forth.

As the late Steve Jobs noted in his speech at a Stanford University graduation commencement:

“Your time is limited; so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

It’s true. Life is too short to live it trying to be anything other than your true, original self. Be who you are, and be it the best way you know how. Celebrate your individuality and uniqueness. Dare to be an original!



Tips on how to be an original or your true self:


  • Know who you are. Before you can be yourself, you must know who that is, and then be true to that self. Centuries ago Socrates wisely observed that self-knowledge is the pillar of all virtue. Without it nothing else is genuine.


  • Trust your intuition and instincts. Part of knowing who you are is trusting your intuition and instincts. We all have an inner gauge that guides us along our most fulfilling path. Look deep within to find the answers to your life. No one is better at knowing what you need and want from life than you. Of course, it is prudent to listen to the advice of family, friends and professionals, but you are the ultimate authority on you. You are unique and original and no one but you can make your decisions for you. To go against that intuition is to go against your fundamental nature and source of satisfaction.


  • Express yourself by cultivating your own style, tastes and personality. Many people try to be like those who seem to be popular. Rather than work on developing themselves they try to copy others and lose themselves in the process. Much time is wasted in such pursuits and the results are disillusionment and feelings of failure. When you work on cultivating your own style, tastes and personality, not only are you genuine and authentic, you’re more interesting and attractive to others. Let go of fear and embrace your uniqueness. Make your life an expression of who you are.As Steve Jobs said, have the courage to follow your heart. If you desire to be an artist, don’t settle for being an accountant because your parents want you to be, or because you can make more money at it. In the end you will lose out because the money won’t matter if you’re unhappy, unmotivated or depressed.


  • Believe in yourself and don’t worry about what others think. When you choose the right path for yourself do not allow the opinions of others to distract you. People are good at offering well-intentioned, unsolicited opinions, however only you know what’s best for you. Don’t let a lack of self-confidenceor self-doubt prevent you from pursuing what you know is best for you. Let go of your personal insecurities. If you strive to be someone you’re not, you will never be happy. Be yourself. Be proud of who you are. People who have a more positive view of themselves live better, healthier lives.

When you dare to be an original, you dare to be courageous, strong, and vibrant and are willing to realize the full potential of your unique skills and talents.

The Benefits of Being an Original:

  • You are true to yourself, therefore derive greater personal satisfaction and fulfillment.
  • You are more noticed, interesting, and attractive to others.
  • You are willing to take risks, think originally and be creative, therefore are open to greater career opportunities and advancement.
  • Due to a willingness to let go of convention, you live life to the fullest and on your terms.
  • Whether in your career, the arts, or in your community, you offer a fresh, new, diverse perspective.
  • You are usually a trailblazer, set new trends and discover new ways of doing things.

by Z. Hereford

how to connect with absolutely anyone – Pay ridiculous attention


Tell me to what you pay attention and I will tell you who you are”

Jose Ortega

Pay ridiculous attention. It’s nearly impossible to genuinely offer help if you don’t pay attention — I mean real attention, not just to what business they started or what sport they like! Do your research by reading blog posts, books and articles about the connection beforehand. Learn about their backgrounds and passions. Invest genuine time in learning what really matters to them and how you can help.